Understanding your intention

Parents naturally want the best for their children. When a child is diagnosed as autistic, parents may feel uncertain about what developmental milestones to expect and fret about when. We might try to spend so many hours of the day working to catch up or "fix" and miss connection or recharge time. Uncertainty and future fears can lead to comparisons with other children (neurotypical or autistic), which might not always be helpful. It can also exacerbate or create anxiety and stress at home.

Why intention matters:

• Expectations shape how parents interact with their child. If the intention is to meet an external goal and the goal is not met, the child or parent may feel like a failure. But if the intention and expectation is to connect and follow the child's lead, stress falls away.

• Unrealistic expectations based on a child's performance or yet-to-be-developed skills can cause frustration for both parent and child, often leading to behavioral difficulties.

• Appropriate expectations encourage positive development, connection and self-esteem.

• Try to spend more time connecting rather than fixing.

  
  

For example, a parent might expect their autistic preschooler to speak in full sentences by age four because that is typical for many children. They may withhold a toy until the child works to get the full sentence out. Then if the child is frustrated and acts out behaviorally then the child has a "behavior problem" but in reality the expectation was too high in that moment. If the child is not yet comfortably verbal, this expectation can lead to frustration and disappointment. Focusing on communication progress in any form—gestures, sounds, or assistive devices—can be more encouraging and reduce every ones stress load thus reducing behaviors.

Knowing your child's threshold for stress and avoiding crossing it is important for supportively encouraging growth.

For more information email me at UNJparent@gmail.com